Have I Told You Lately
Van Morrison
This is possibly my most favourite song, but it might not be, because my favourites change with the days, months, seasons. I love Van Morrison’s voice and particularly his slower softer songs, including this one and the absolutely wonderful Into the Mystic, but I also like his more lively ones, such as Bright Side of the Road and Brown-eyed Girl. This is a man that loves his music but never courts publicity or fame. He is taciturn to the point of rudeness, but a while ago I heard him interviewed by Clare Teal on Radio 2 and he could tell he was in good company with someone who understood his music and wasn’t star struck. It was a great interview/chat. I say it was recently but I’m lost in time nowadays with things that seem recent being years ago and things from ages ago being recent. I blame the extreme stress of the last 18 months, but it’s also an age thing. I’m 58. I’ve had a look and the interview is not available to listen to. Sorry.
I picked this song because it reflects my feelings for my husband and the feelings around our marriage and maybe what it means to me. When I met him I was a feisty 30-year-old who’d been badly hurt by love (see Number 5). I really didn’t want love and didn’t believe in it. I had lots of men friends who I enjoyed being with and didn’t really want to give up the single life. However, he was very persistent and solid in his desire to be with me, and in the end I gave in and married him just about two years after we met. Even as I was getting married, I thought, well if this doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced. I’d moved back to Devon and got a job and sort of didn’t want to be totally alone. We’ve been married nearly 27 years (May 1st 1993).
Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there's no-one above your? Fill my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, Ease my troubles, that's what you do.
I think that when Van says ‘Have I told you lately that I love you?’ he’s saying it because he knows that he hasn’t and he feels he needs to reiterate that he really does appreciate his love. He feels the need to make her know she’s important. I don’t think my husband has ever said he loves me. I haven’t ever said it to him. Once he said he didn’t believe in love. Our relationship has been like two pieces of sandpaper rubbing against each other. I can say this because no-one is going to read this blog, and I want to say it out loud. I am totally fed up with this rasping and long for softness, but underneath I know that he cares about me more than he even knows. And I couldn’t take someone who was too vulnerable. I hate that I could hurt someone. I can’t hurt him. He’s like a piece of granite.
He has been incredible during my illness. I use incredible in all its senses. Sometimes he has been as crass as fuck, saying the most hurtful frightening things, such as ‘in the end, you have to decide if you want to go on being treated or just let it go’ but other times he has sat in consultations and allowed me to ask my questions and cry quietly and tell my story without having to be the most important person in the room. He has rarely commented on my appointments, but when he does, he says I have done well.
My mother says many men can’t do illness and I know it can finish off marriages. I cannot deny that there have been times when my desire for peace has led me to long for ours to end. And I think that maybe he has felt the same. (Funny how after all these years, I don’t really know.) But somehow we’ve pulled through and carried on. Who knows whether this is the best relationship I could have, but I can’t see myself ever trying another. That’s all I can say.
But my dear much appreciated husband, I would so like us to be able to say we love each other.
You fill my life with laughter, somehow you make it better
Ease my troubles, that’s what you do/
See you bastard, you do make me laugh, even when I hate you.
Have I told you lately?
My favourite version is sung by Van Morrison but dear little Rod Stewart has done a couple of wonderful covers.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J789GId1kaY by Van Morrison
Of course, I love the piano intro. So beautiful, so sweeping. And that voice. Reluctant but beautiful. Funnily enough in this video he looks rather like my oncologist who I so like and who is so kind.
Songs that make me feel alive 